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Funny Poems
Friday, September 11 2015

My short-term memory isn’t good.
It doesn’t work the way it should.
My memory loss makes me distraught.
Wait…what’s my problem? I forgot.

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:31 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

My robot died! My robot died!
Oh, how can I go on?
Who will clean my room today?
And who will mow the lawn?

Who will take out all the trash?
Oh, who will feed the cat?
Who will clean the litter box,
and nasty stuff like that?

Who will comb my scruffy hair?
Or who will floss my teeth?
Who will make my messy bed,
and clean it underneath?

I oiled and shined his metal parts.
I fed him lots of grease.
But, alas, my robot died today.
So long, pal…rust in peace!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:29 pm   |  Permalink   |  2 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

If I sit down and pen this verse,
then will you pledge to view it?
If you decline to do your part,
then why should I stick to it?

If I put forth the effort now
to make this next line dance,
then will you set aside some time
to give this poem a glance?

'Cause if you have no interest,
then I see no need to fight it.
If you don't want to read it, well,
then I'm not gonna write it!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:20 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

My sister stinks! It’s downright sad
how anyone could smell so bad!
A stench so vile, I can’t believe it!
Her odor’s toxic! I must leave it!
I step outside for fresher air…
but I still smell it! That’s not fair!
I must go even further still,
and so I hike up Harper’s Hill.
But even at the highest peak –
I can’t escape my sister’s reek!
I hike back down and catch the bus –
the dreadful scent just follows us!
No matter what, no matter where,
my sister’s stinky stench is there!
As time goes on, it’s getting worse!
Oh, save me from this awful curse!
I trudge back home in sad defeat –
I’m worn out, wiped out, tired and beat!
I drag myself into the shower.
I stay in there for half an hour…
Halfway through, what’s this? Hooray!
My sister’s stench has gone away!
She must’ve finally got a clue,
and gone and had a shower too!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:18 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

The H-word is offensive!
The H-word makes me cry!
My mommy said the H-word,
oh why, oh why, oh why?!

I do not like the H-word,
and neither do my peers!
My teacher said the H-word,
I can’t believe my ears!

The H-word is improper!
I will not say it! Nope!
My daddy said the H-word,
he should wash his mouth with soap!

“The H-word helps your learning.”
Well, I think that’s just absurd!
My Homework doesn’t help at all!!!
Oh snap! I said the H-word!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:16 pm   |  Permalink   |  2 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

My dad bought me a rockfish!
He’s brown with grayish spots.
A new fish of my very own!
I love him lots and lots!

He is my awesome rockfish!
He doesn’t swim too much.
He likes the bottom of the tank,
just taking naps and such.

He likes to sit there all the time,
just hanging out and snoring.
My dad says that’s what rockfish do.
My sister thinks he’s boring.

Perhaps I’m being hoodwinked,
yes, perhaps my dad’s all talk.
I think my new pet rockfish,
might just be a stupid rock!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:14 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

I like to go out hunting
with my dad and Uncle Bruce.
We seek the grandest trophy -
the elusive Chocolate Moose!

We’ll hike the steepest mountainside,
we’ll stake out every spruce!
We won’t give up! We won’t give in!
We’ll nab the Chocolate Moose!

You can have the deer and elk, my friends,
or waste your time on goose.
We’ve set our sights on bigger game -
we want the Chocolate Moose!

We don’t have any firearms,
but that is no excuse!
We’ve got our spoons and whipping cream!
Now, where’s that Chocolate Moose?

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:10 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

Some people get annoyed with me,
and tell me to go away.
They don't realize how lucky they are;
I live with myself every day!

Everyone else gets a break from myself,
for at least a few hours or so,
but I never once had a break from myself—
I'm with me wherever I go.

Whenever I'm sleeping, I'm sleeping with me.
Whenever I'm not, I'm there too.
I never go anywhere or do anything,
that myself doesn't go there and do.

So next time you get sick and tired of me,
and wish I would just go away,
just think of how lucky you are that you don't
have to live with myself every day!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:05 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

A dork parade! A dork parade!
The people point and gawk.
It’s not a dork parade you guys,
It’s just our family walk!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:01 pm   |  Permalink   |  1 Comment  |  Email
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