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Funny Poems
Friday, December 30 2016

The Gorillagator is strange as can be.
He can swim in a swamp, or climb up a tree.

He may eat an antelope – perhaps a banana.
He can live in the Congo or Louisiana.

He might pound his chest. He might swish his tail.
Will he need to adapt?  Will this creature prevail?

He weighs half a ton; count his teeth - 89.
He’s strong, mean and fast – yeah, I think he’ll be fine.

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 03:49 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, December 30 2016

I'm a brave little monster
But one thing I dread—
At night, there's a kid
Up on top of my bed.

Mom says kids aren't real,
That it's all in my head.
Perhaps she should try
Sleeping in here instead.

I can hear that kid breathing

All during the night.
Sometimes I hear growling
That fills me with fright.

I've heard kids are hornless,
And not very hairy,
With only two eyeballs—
Now that's pretty scary!

Some have metal teeth
That they grind with their jaws,
While others have glitter
And paint on their claws!

Dad says I'm a wimp,
And it's all in my head.
Perhaps he should come
And get eaten instead.

I'm a brave little monster,
But one thing I dread
Is that darn creepy kid
That's on top of my bed.

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 03:50 am   |  Permalink   |  7 Comments  |  Email
Thursday, March 10 2016

I was walking down the street
When trouble started forming.
It frankly caught me off my guard;
It happened without warning.

Somebody’s dog came up to me,
He didn’t sit or beg,
Just sniffed at me a little bit
Then lifted up his leg.

I guess it was a bad idea
(If you know what I mean)
To be a fire hydrant
This year for Halloween.

© Shane D Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 10:50 am   |  Permalink   |  1 Comment  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

My short-term memory isn’t good.
It doesn’t work the way it should.
My memory loss makes me distraught.
Wait…what’s my problem? I forgot.

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:31 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

My robot died! My robot died!
Oh, how can I go on?
Who will clean my room today?
And who will mow the lawn?

Who will take out all the trash?
Oh, who will feed the cat?
Who will clean the litter box,
and nasty stuff like that?

Who will comb my scruffy hair?
Or who will floss my teeth?
Who will make my messy bed,
and clean it underneath?

I oiled and shined his metal parts.
I fed him lots of grease.
But, alas, my robot died today.
So long, pal…rust in peace!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:29 pm   |  Permalink   |  2 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

If I sit down and pen this verse,
then will you pledge to view it?
If you decline to do your part,
then why should I stick to it?

If I put forth the effort now
to make this next line dance,
then will you set aside some time
to give this poem a glance?

'Cause if you have no interest,
then I see no need to fight it.
If you don't want to read it, well,
then I'm not gonna write it!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:20 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

My sister stinks! It’s downright sad
how anyone could smell so bad!
A stench so vile, I can’t believe it!
Her odor’s toxic! I must leave it!
I step outside for fresher air…
but I still smell it! That’s not fair!
I must go even further still,
and so I hike up Harper’s Hill.
But even at the highest peak –
I can’t escape my sister’s reek!
I hike back down and catch the bus –
the dreadful scent just follows us!
No matter what, no matter where,
my sister’s stinky stench is there!
As time goes on, it’s getting worse!
Oh, save me from this awful curse!
I trudge back home in sad defeat –
I’m worn out, wiped out, tired and beat!
I drag myself into the shower.
I stay in there for half an hour…
Halfway through, what’s this? Hooray!
My sister’s stench has gone away!
She must’ve finally got a clue,
and gone and had a shower too!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:18 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

The H-word is offensive!
The H-word makes me cry!
My mommy said the H-word,
oh why, oh why, oh why?!

I do not like the H-word,
and neither do my peers!
My teacher said the H-word,
I can’t believe my ears!

The H-word is improper!
I will not say it! Nope!
My daddy said the H-word,
he should wash his mouth with soap!

“The H-word helps your learning.”
Well, I think that’s just absurd!
My Homework doesn’t help at all!!!
Oh snap! I said the H-word!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:16 pm   |  Permalink   |  2 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

My dad bought me a rockfish!
He’s brown with grayish spots.
A new fish of my very own!
I love him lots and lots!

He is my awesome rockfish!
He doesn’t swim too much.
He likes the bottom of the tank,
just taking naps and such.

He likes to sit there all the time,
just hanging out and snoring.
My dad says that’s what rockfish do.
My sister thinks he’s boring.

Perhaps I’m being hoodwinked,
yes, perhaps my dad’s all talk.
I think my new pet rockfish,
might just be a stupid rock!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:14 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, September 11 2015

I like to go out hunting
with my dad and Uncle Bruce.
We seek the grandest trophy -
the elusive Chocolate Moose!

We’ll hike the steepest mountainside,
we’ll stake out every spruce!
We won’t give up! We won’t give in!
We’ll nab the Chocolate Moose!

You can have the deer and elk, my friends,
or waste your time on goose.
We’ve set our sights on bigger game -
we want the Chocolate Moose!

We don’t have any firearms,
but that is no excuse!
We’ve got our spoons and whipping cream!
Now, where’s that Chocolate Moose?

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 01:10 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
 

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